Tribute to Leo

Our dog Leo died suddenly on Friday...

He threw up his food inside Friday morning so I sent him outside and didn't realize until about 2 hours later that he was still out there, so I went to check on him and saw him still throwing up which was a little unusual.. and then he just laid out there for a long time.. so I eventually went out there with his water bowl, some ice cubes, and a treat and he looked up at me with the weirdest expression.. Leo has the cutest puppy face and always looks happy and excited.. but the face I saw was severe pain.. I tried to give him some ice, but he wouldn't eat it. He wouldn't move and could barely open his eyes.. I could tell he was in so much pain so I texted my dad and Carly and said "Leo looks like he's dying" and sent them a picture.

Long story short, we waited for my mom to come home from work with the truck, lifted Leo into the back, and drove to the animal hospital about 5 min away. I sat in the back seat looking out the window at him the whole way there and felt so sick to my stomach because he looked so much worse already! His tongue was out of his mouth, he was barely breathing, he had a blank expression on his face, and his arm started seizing.. When we got there, the nurse and doctor ran out and said they could tell by his breathing and his white gums that he was slipping away fast. They rushed him inside while I sat in the office in shock..

What just happened?! how could he be dying this fast?! Amanda, Chase, and Jackson came a few minutes later because I had told them it didn't sound good.. and about 3 minutes after that, the doctor came in and told us his heart stopped. He was gone. We all cried together for a long time, and later the doctor came and told us the only explanation for his death was a ruptured tumor near his heart which is apparently common in golden retrievers. They said that nothing else could have killed him that fast.. which made us feel a little better in a way because we had no idea he had a tumor and they said even if we had come in sooner, they probably wouldn't have been able to save him. :'(

We miss our sweet baby so much and our house feels so empty without him. 

My sister Carly did a great post about her memories of Leo on her blog here, so I wasn't going to do one, but I want to write down my own thoughts about him.

So first of all, the back story..

For years after our family moved to Arizona, my sisters and I really wanted a dog. We would beg our parents for a dog almost every day and our dad would say things like "If you all get along every single day this month, THEN we can get a dog," but we kept failing and he wouldn't let us get one until we really worked for it. Finally after a few years, I think my dad also really wanted a dog because he still made us do the same thing: get along for a month, but now when we messed up, he let it slide every time and finally told us we could just get a dog. :)

So Carly, being the dog expert in the fam, researched golden retrievers for sale in our area and on a Saturday, my mom took us 4 girls to look at puppies for sale.

The first place we went had the cutest dog-- a BIG golden puppy with very big parents. He was awesome, but for some reason, he just didn't fit into our family and none of us really felt like he was the one. 

The second place we went was a farm in Queen Creek with the CUTEST litter of tiny little puppies! They were adorable!! There were two girls and two boys. Carly, Ashley, and I knew right away which one we wanted.. the bigger boy puppy. We wanted a golden retriever named Jersey for years, and this was him. He was a perfect dog. Amanda was holding his brother who was so cute and had the cutest face! She begged us to get that one instead, but we really wanted Jersey because we wanted the bigger dog and the brother was the runt of the family. He was tiny!

After not being able to pick between the two for the longest time, we finally decided we wanted Jersey, but we couldn't leave without taking his cute little brother too so we called my dad for approval and he said we could get both dogs!! My parents bought Jersey and I bought Leo (Amanda convinced me to pay for him with my own money, saying she'd pay me back half "someday" but never did so he was basically my dog the whole time :))

We decided on the name Jersey years before even getting a dog, but now that we had 2, we had no idea what to name our little runt puppy! We wanted something sweet and cute to match his personality.. so my mom suggested Leopold-- Leo for short. It was perfect.  

Leo was the sweetest dog. When I think back on all our memories of Leo, I realize just how much joy he brought to our family. Jersey is still our perfect golden. He's tough, he plays fetch, he heels on walks, he obeys commands, etc. but Leo was this adorable, cuddly, crazy, disobedient little puppy his whole life who made us laugh every day. They were so similar, but so different, and our family wouldn't have been complete without both of them.

Here's some pictures of our sweet Leo bug. 

Leo's the little guy on the left

such a sweetheart

He loved to chew on things! 

Blue was his color

He loved to swim

And sit on us while we swam

He loved to run with his brother

He made our family complete :) 

He loved his brother.

His snout was a little shorter than Jerseys, and he looked more like a puppy (can you tell which one is him?)

He LOVED our cousins

He always looked cute for pictures :)

He was always so hyper and crazy and loved to play with his brother

He loved catching bubbles

And running really really fast

We always called him a noble prince because.. look at him.

He always looked up to his big brother 

They did everything together

He loved to snuggle

and dress up for Halloween

And Christmas (He's santa and jersey's Rudolph)

He was the sweetest, most beautiful dog in the world.

Thank you for bringing so much joy to my life Leo bugs, I love you so much and will miss you forever.

Fav Quote Friday!

I LOVE this quote!! 

"Seek to be worth knowing rather than to be well known"

I think it's pretty normal for people to want to be famous or well known. I know I used to really want to be a famous actress or celebrity, but this quote made me realize that I would so much rather be a person who is worth knowing, than a person who is really well-known.

I know some people from my High School who are currently trying to be famous with their music, modeling, photography, etc. and they honestly have become some of the meanest people I've known because they act like everyone else is beneath them now that their famous or whatever. I know that's not how every famous or well-known person acts, but a lot of the people I've known who are trying to be famous, aren't very nice to other people.. and I think that's because you have to focus a lot on yourself to become famous. 

So how do you become someone who is worth-knowing? I have a few other favorite quotes that answer that question. 

This is another one of my all-time favorite quotes that makes me want to always speak kindly of others and watch what I say about people. Everyone gossips sometimes, it's kind of hard not to, but I love this quote because no one ever wants to be gossiped about, so if we live in such a way that other people would defend us if someone else was talking negatively about us, then we'll be a person who is worth knowing.

Another great quote by the amazing C.S. Lewis. Humility is not putting yourself down or thinking less of yourself, but it's thinking of yourself less. Someone who is worth knowing is selfless. Selflessness not only makes you a person who is worth knowing, but it also makes you happier and more successful in life because if you're thinking more about others, you're not focusing as much on the problems in your own life. 

Another great way to be a person who is worth knowing is to do your best to make sure everyone you talk to/ have a conversation with, leaves you feeling happier and better about themselves and their life. 

My goal in life is to emulate these quotes and be a person who is selfless, loving, compassionate, honest, kind, and ultimately worth knowing.

Happy Friday! 

Motivation

I read an article recently that said one of the things really successful people do every day is motivate themselves.

We all know what motivates us, so people who are really successful actually set aside a time in their day to re-motivate themselves so they can be better and have the best day possible.

Ever since I read that, I've been trying to do that more and be more aware of the things that motivate me and make me want to be better. There are a lot of different things that motivate me like inspiring videos, quotes, people, songs, pictures, etc.

So I think as part of my April goals, I'll make a list of a few things that I know always motivate me and set aside a time every morning to get motivated and inspired because I think it's so easy to forget why we're trying to accomplish certain things in our lives. I mean I have told myself a thousand times, "I'm going to do whatever it takes to get 100% healthy as soon as possible!" and yet every time I have a bad day again and I feel sick for no reason, I instantly want to give up and can't remember why I'm even trying. So I think it's really important to motivate myself every day and remind myself why I'm trying so hard and why I don't want to give up.

Anyways, one thing that really motivates me and makes me want to be better is rock climbing pictures!

I LOVE rock climbing. It's seriously my passion. I did a rock climbing camp when I was younger and went to our local Rec center to climb lots of times for years, but I haven't been for a while so I can't really say it's one of my hobbies, but it WILL be someday! I want to get a gym membership to Momentum climbing gym in Sandy so I can go climb there every week and eventually get all my own gear so I can go climbing up the canyons with friends or family whenever I want!! 

Rock climbing pictures really motivate me. I want to be a rock climber SO BAD that whenever I look at rock climbing pictures, or watch videos on youtube, I remember what I'm working towards and why I want to be healthy and strong again! It's so that I can do THAT! 

So anyways, that's one of the many things that really motivates me to be better. The girl in 3 of those pictures is Sasha Digiulian. She's my favorite rock climber to watch on Youtube. She's got some really cool videos and she's basically my rock climbing idol! In these pictures, she looks so strong and powerful. I want to be like that someday. :)

What motivates you?

Overcoming Anxiety

I've developed quite a bit of anxiety due to 15 months of feeling really sick all the time.

I guess I've always been a little more shy and anxious than most people to begin with, but it's gotten WAY worse because of my health issues.. and I come from a family whose general beliefs on anxiety, depression and other mental issues are: "It's all in your head," "mind over matter," "fake it till you make it," "just don't think about it," etc. so for months, I've tried to ignore the problem, which only makes it worse.

I've also always really hated attention. I don't like people thinking about me, worrying about me, or even looking at me.

Haha I have a love/hate relationship with blogging because I like doing it because it's like my journal and I'm doing it for myself and to hopefully help others as well, but now that I've shared it with some people, I feel so uneasy after every single post I publish just because I don't want people to think about me. I've always been pretty reserved and I've never felt like I deserve people's attention.

So, 2013 (the year before my health issues started) was one of the best years of my life so far. I graduated high school, I got to go to Mexico with my friend, I worked 3 different jobs over the summer and made a ton of money, I went on family trips, and then I started my first semester of college at BYU-Idaho. Life was so GREAT. I loved working, I loved seeing friends, and I loved going to school every day.

Now, I get anxious to go to the store with my mom. I get anxious to go to a movie with my sister. I get anxious to go to family gatherings. I get anxious to hang out with friends. I didn't used to, though. Even when I was first really sick, I wasn't nervous or anxious to do any of these things. I would still go out when I wasn't feeling well, but every time I went out, I would feel SO sick, that afterwards, I would promise myself that I would never do that again because it was so awful. I've felt so sick going places SO MANY TIMES the past 15 months, that now I obviously have terrible anxiety about going anywhere again! I get so nervous and afraid that I'll feel sick, that I actually make myself nauseas and weak just from worrying! It's so annoying!

And I've noticed I'm only anxious when I go somewhere WITH someone.. not when I'm by myself and I think that's because I don't want to let this person down.. I don't want to ruin their day, I don't want them to worry about me, I don't want them to have to turn around and take me back home right after we've left, and I don't want to feel sick and not be able to do something as simple as going to a movie. (I should mention: when I'm feeling great, I don't really get anxious at all to do anything, but it's when I feel even the slightest bit under-the-weather, that I get SO anxious because I'm afraid I'll feel worse later, like I have so many times before)

Anyways, so I thought the way to get rid of this new anxiety, was to just tell myself I was fine, I shouldn't feel like this, don't think about it, etc. But a couple weeks ago, when I saw my naturopath again, I told him I've developed bad anxiety and he told me some really important things about anxiety that I want to remember and share with others...

He said that every negative/anxious thought results from an un-met need, and it's important to go through a process of figuring out what that need is in order to overcome our anxiety. So, for example, if I get really anxious to go somewhere with someone, I need to stop and think, "ok what do I need? I need this person to understand how I'm feeling, I need them to respect me and I need to feel accepted and loved." And then, once we figure out what we need, we just need to communicate with that person and let them know what we need from them so that we won't have to be so anxious every time. It's all about communication.

He also talked to me about not being so hard on myself and told me to be aware of all my negative thoughts throughout my day and try to avoid putting myself down and never think, "I should just toughen up, I shouldn't feel like this." He said, "NO SHOULDS." I am only human.. it is how it is, and it's ok. I need to love myself and respect myself so others will respect me too.

I never realized it before he talked to me about this, but I've always been pretty hard on myself. I've always thought I'm not good enough or important enough to be understood and respected by people. Anything I have going on in my life, I should just keep it to myself and I should just not feel this way. But I deserve to be understood and respected. Everyone does. We are all sons and daughters of God. We have individual worth, and we deserve to be heard.

So that's what I'm currently working on-- Overcoming anxiety with better communication, and being kinder to myself. :)

Bad Days

Do you ever have a bad day for no reason?  And nothing you do seems to make it any better?? I'm having one of those days today..

I'm tired, weak, I don't feel very well, I'm grumpy, easily irritated, and just in a bad mood today.

Yesterday, we had a family gathering/early Easter party in Provo with my mom's side of the family. I love seeing my family and I honestly had a great time with them. But going to a family party where everyone's eating delicious food, yummy desserts, and tons of Easter candy, and asking me how I'm doing and if I'm feeling better.. is so exhausting and makes me feel worse about myself and angry at my situation all over again.

I just want to be healthy and normal. Going to family parties makes me feel so not normal.. and I'm reminded of all the things I can't eat.. because I don't really think about it when I'm just at home every day, especially because the rest of my family eats pretty healthy too. But when I go to the grocery store, or to FHE, or family gatherings, I remember all over again.

But mostly I'm just in a bad mood because I don't feel well. The streak has been broken. :( Time to start all over again.

Something I've learned throughout this whole year of health issues-- that I think I'll share on this crappy day to remind myself everything I've learned from this trial-- is when we have bad days, it's ok to be sad or in a bad mood and just kind of hang in there, but we cannot SHRINK! Does that make sense?? Let me try to explain more..

So my sister Carly bought me an amazing book from Deseret Book for Christmas last year called, "To My Friends: Messages of Counsel and Comfort" by Jeffrey R. Holland

A quote that I love from this book says,

"Be true and faithful. Live your religion. Stand straight and be firm-- and if there's a little wind blowing, just put your face into the wind and go forward. And when you can't go forward, just stand. Just plant your feet and stand immovable for a while if that's all you can do." 
(but do not shrink!)

So today, I'm just going to stand. I don't have enough energy to move forward, so I will just stand, but I will not go backwards.. I will not shrink.

If that still doesn't make sense...

Shrinking would be:

- taking my anger/frustration out on my family
- not reading my scriptures or saying my prayers
- being angry and depressed and bitter
- Negative thoughts, putting myself down
- giving up

Hanging in there would be:

- Still saying my prayers
- Reading my scriptures
- motivating myself by listening to my favorite music and talks
- trying my best to remain positive and hopeful
- Being the very best I can be in my current situation

So, while I wish I could be feeling 100% good, doing something fun with my family who's in town this week, getting a job and working again, being productive, etc. it's OK if all I can do today is "just stand" and hang in there, as long as I don't shrink or give up.

Anyways, those are my thoughts for today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot better! :)

On a happier note: Here's a picture we took yesterday at Nana's house. Love my sisters <3

Healthy Smoothie

Finding a good healthy smoothie recipe is hard because there's so many things you can put in a smoothie!! It's gotten way easy for me though because, since I'm on such a restrictive diet, I can only eat a few things so a few days ago, I just put all the things I can have together in a blender, and I think it turned out pretty good! So here's my current smoothie recipe:

First, get all your ingredients together:

Ok so I can't have honey, agave, costcos yummy chocolate protein powder, regular milk or a lot of fruit because of my diet (those are all things I would normally use in a smoothie). What I CAN have is almond milk, rice protein powder, lemon juice, stevia, chia seeds, and a little bit of fruit. So here's the recipe:

- 1/2 cup fruit (I'm only allowed half a cup every 3 hours.. but I would add more if I could!)

- about a cup of almond milk 

- A few tablespoons of chia seeds

- a teaspoon of lemon juice (I love a little lemon in everything)

- Stevia to taste (this is a healthy natural sweetener that you can read about here)

- and a tablespoon of rice protein powder

Next, try not to break a cup like I just did. sorry mom!

Blend all the ingredients in your blender and add a few more drops of stevia if it needs a little more. (It's better to add a little first and then taste the smoothie when it's done and add a little more, don't add too much, a few drops goes a long way!)

And this is what it looks like when it's all blended together! I actually don't usually like smoothies because the ones I've had growing up were full of sugar, milk, too much fruit, etc. and they were too thick or made me feel sick because of the sugar, but this smoothie is perfect because it's more like a protein drink and fills me up when I need a snack and I think it tastes pretty good too!

When you're done making your smoothie, make sure you rinse out your blender right away and then blend some water and a drop of soap for a few seconds to clean it.. I used to just put it in the sink and then my dad would make me clean it later and smoothies are hard to clean out if they sit there for a while so just take another minute and get it done really quick!

Thanks for reading! This smoothie is candida and gut-reset diet friendly and gluten-free so it's as healthy as they get!

What's your favorite healthy smoothie recipe? 

-- Sarah Laurel 

Fav Quote Friday

I LOVE quotes. I love beautiful words that make you feel so empowered and inspired. And I have so many favorite quotes that I want to remember forever, so from now on, every Friday, I will share one of my favorite quotes. :) Here's todays:

“Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.” 

– C.S. Lewis

Heaven is Here

Today I want to talk about the most amazing book I have ever read.

It's called, Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson.

This is an amazing true story of an LDS woman who was in a plane crash with her husband, and despite all her physical injuries and daily struggles, has been able to overcome this trial and still have a beautiful life.

Here's what I wrote in my journal while I was reading this book:

"I'm currently reading Stephanie Nielson's book, Heaven is Here, and I just had to write down some of my thoughts I've had while reading this amazing story.

First of all, I feel like I really relate to Stephanie in so many ways, not just being sick and going through a hard time like she did (I know my trial doesn't even compare to hers), but her interests and personality and other things as well.

This is Stephanie before the crash

In the chapter I just read, she's in the hospital some months after the accident and talks about how depressed and hopeless she felt. Not only did she have to endure daily pain from being burned over 80% of her body, but she felt depressed and useless and not sure she wanted to live anymore.

One day she woke up from another surgery and couldn't see. She panicked thinking something went wrong during the procedure and that she was now blind forever, but later found out the doctors had done surgery on the skin around her eyes and she had to have her eyes sewn shut for a week.

She says, 'Being without sight humbled me. I let go of my fear- some of it at least - about my appearance. I'll deal with the changes in how I look, Heavenly Father, but please let me see my children again.' When she gets her sight back, she said, 'it was glorious. I still couldn't move and I couldn't feed myself, and I couldn't walk or stand up- and the list went on- but I could see.'

I agree with Stephanie that trials really humble us. Being sick all the time, all the little things that seemed SO important to me a year ago, suddenly mean nothing to me. I don't care if I have cute clothes anymore, I don't care if I'm popular and have a ton of friends, I don't care about posting the cutest Instagram photos, I don't care about having perfect skin and teeth, etc. all I care about is getting healthy again so I can go to school and work and participate in church and be the best that I can be. All the things I took for granted like going to church, going to school, working, hanging out with friends, going on trips, etc. are things I wish so badly I could do now. I just want to be healthy again." :)

Anyways, Stephanie's book is exactly what I needed when I was going through a really hard month of constant sickness. It made me feel so grateful for the little things and all the tender mercies Heavenly Father blesses me with daily, and it helped me stay strong through my trials. If Stephanie can get through something so hard and rise above it, then I have NO EXCUSES!

This is Stephanie now. Beautiful inside and out!

If you ever want to read an amazing story, read this book.
If you ever want to be more grateful for all the little things you are blessed with daily, read this book.
If you ever want to be inspired to be a better person, read this book.
If you ever want to read a spiritual story of trial and hope, READ THIS BOOK. It's amazing.

Thank you so much for writing your story Stephanie.. It has changed my life. I can't wait to meet you someday <3

My sister Ashley works at Albion in Salt Lake and Stephanie came into her store last week and she wrote me a note!!!! 

What's the most inspirational book/article you've ever read?