Bad Days

Do you ever have a bad day for no reason?  And nothing you do seems to make it any better?? I'm having one of those days today..

I'm tired, weak, I don't feel very well, I'm grumpy, easily irritated, and just in a bad mood today.

Yesterday, we had a family gathering/early Easter party in Provo with my mom's side of the family. I love seeing my family and I honestly had a great time with them. But going to a family party where everyone's eating delicious food, yummy desserts, and tons of Easter candy, and asking me how I'm doing and if I'm feeling better.. is so exhausting and makes me feel worse about myself and angry at my situation all over again.

I just want to be healthy and normal. Going to family parties makes me feel so not normal.. and I'm reminded of all the things I can't eat.. because I don't really think about it when I'm just at home every day, especially because the rest of my family eats pretty healthy too. But when I go to the grocery store, or to FHE, or family gatherings, I remember all over again.

But mostly I'm just in a bad mood because I don't feel well. The streak has been broken. :( Time to start all over again.

Something I've learned throughout this whole year of health issues-- that I think I'll share on this crappy day to remind myself everything I've learned from this trial-- is when we have bad days, it's ok to be sad or in a bad mood and just kind of hang in there, but we cannot SHRINK! Does that make sense?? Let me try to explain more..

So my sister Carly bought me an amazing book from Deseret Book for Christmas last year called, "To My Friends: Messages of Counsel and Comfort" by Jeffrey R. Holland

A quote that I love from this book says,

"Be true and faithful. Live your religion. Stand straight and be firm-- and if there's a little wind blowing, just put your face into the wind and go forward. And when you can't go forward, just stand. Just plant your feet and stand immovable for a while if that's all you can do." 
(but do not shrink!)

So today, I'm just going to stand. I don't have enough energy to move forward, so I will just stand, but I will not go backwards.. I will not shrink.

If that still doesn't make sense...

Shrinking would be:

- taking my anger/frustration out on my family
- not reading my scriptures or saying my prayers
- being angry and depressed and bitter
- Negative thoughts, putting myself down
- giving up

Hanging in there would be:

- Still saying my prayers
- Reading my scriptures
- motivating myself by listening to my favorite music and talks
- trying my best to remain positive and hopeful
- Being the very best I can be in my current situation

So, while I wish I could be feeling 100% good, doing something fun with my family who's in town this week, getting a job and working again, being productive, etc. it's OK if all I can do today is "just stand" and hang in there, as long as I don't shrink or give up.

Anyways, those are my thoughts for today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot better! :)

On a happier note: Here's a picture we took yesterday at Nana's house. Love my sisters <3